Eternal Flames - Moab, Utah by Tonya

There are some experiences in life, and we’ve all had them, that can’t be summed up in human words. The combination of subject and verb just doesn’t add up to an adequate description. Both of our stops in Utah classify as those moments. No words but I’ll try.
First, a disclaimer: Utah is the punch line of a lot of jokes as the result of a lot of misconception about its radical conservatism but mostly surrounding the subject of plural marriage. Unfortunately, my knowledge of that concept is limited mostly to episodes of Big Love on HBO. I am aware that polygamy is practiced in other states as much as in Utah and that the act is frowned upon by most organized religions. I want to go on the record as saying that I have a deep appreciation for the freedom to worship as I choose and I am happy that others do as well. I celebrate a God who rolls his exasperated eyeballs at me every day but let’s me get up and try again the next day. There are no judgments in this RV of whatever religious practices you wish to employ and I love to embrace and accept lifestyles that are different than my own. Thank goodness we are all different. How boring otherwise, right? Okay, so not to be preachy but I really wanted to make sure nothing was offensive.
Having said that, we have received some studied glances as we’ve traveled across the US but none more than in Utah. For example, when someone asked Kris how did he get so lucky to be traveling with a truck load of girls, he just replied, “They all said yes.”
The Amphitheater was a beautiful stop along the way.

This is a visual of what we were surrounded by at our final campground stop in Moab.
The AC in the RV was struggling so we decided there was really nothing else to do before dinner besides cool off in the pool. When getting ready to go out, my make-up pencils were literally melting on my face. A piece of my luggage fell apart because some of the glue holding it together had melted in the heat. Extreme conditions.
For dinner, we stumbled up on this little gem of a place called Bar M Chuckwagon.

It was plopped down in the middle of the desert in a seemingly middle of nowhere part of town.

Probably my favorite quote of the night was when Crystal ordered the Polygamy Porter and then looked at the waitress and said, “When in Rome, right?”
We were the only people there for the longest time so we made use of some nearby props.


Then a tour bus full of young male Japanese tourists arrived and things really got started. Crystal wanted to rope their translator, Isaac.
The sheriff showed up to say that was not allowed.
There was a Wild West gunfight show before dinner was served.
Then we devoured the cowboy dinner like the true delicate ladies that we are.
Crystal was called on stage to demonstrate her roping skills again.
Then the music show began. At one point, I encouraged the girls to go over to the table of Japanese boys and make them dance. I remember saying, “It’s your patriotic duty as an American to make sure they have fun tonight.”
We also taught them the London Bridge because what’s a dance party without that move?
Their interpreter said we made their night and they wanted to get pictures with us. They kept making a peace sign and telling us to “be careful” which I think may have been the only English phrase they knew.

Then this happened and I thought we were all going to lose it.
Even Kris got in on the sing along.
We made our dramatic exit.

Then things took a turn from the hilarious to the strange. We had arranged for a driver to transport us to and from dinner because we weren’t sure if there would be adequate parking for the RV plus we needed to keep the RV plugged in to the site so the cats wouldn’t burn up. Our driver, Auggi, said he would take us to a place in downtown Moab if we were interested and then he would give us a ride home for free. He said it was a benefit for a friend of his that had been murdered. Interested to experience some authentic local culture that didn’t involve a Wild West gun show and dancing little people, we said sure. We felt so strange upon entering the benefit because it was clear that everyone there had been a close personal friend of this girl’s (It was called “Justice for Shannon”). We stuck out to begin with and then we were afraid that someone would question how we knew Shannon. Let’s just say Shannon had some interesting friends and leave it at that. They entertained us with live music and fire juggling. And all the women there took a severe liking to Crystal One of the girls asked Crystal to dance and she responded, “Well, sure but I’m gonna need you to put on some shoes first.” The lady returned wearing only one flip-flop. Rachel said she hadn’t seen so many mullets in one place since Hillbilly Days in Pikeville, KY. When someone let off a bottle rocket IN THE BAR, Rachel said, “Next time someone tries to make fun of Kentucky, I’m going to bring them to Moab.”
We were highly amused by everything we saw around us.